Why It Is Harder For Smart And Independent Women To Find Love

28 May 2017

LOVE – a four letter word – it can kill you or safe you.

When we were younger, we could fall in love much easier. It came naturally and it was simple – as we get older, love gets complicated. It becomes more complex, more intricate and MUCH more delicate. Falling in love nowadays often feel impossible as letting go of past loves seem even harder. Have you ever questioned yourself, why the hell is that? As a hopeless romantic and a true pessimist, I believe that falling in love is partly a decision. Love isn’t magical on its own; we make it magical. With age, that magic fades. Life’s magic fades, too.

And of course, how much the magic fades depends on the person in front of you. Have you noticed that Disney movies always have a vague end? The kind of magic, where we accept the answers – by actually not knowing the answer – as it keeps us content. I believe this is partially why love loses its magical qualities over time as the more intelligent we become, the less there is to wonder. The more we actually understand love – by break ups or the role we’ve encountered – the harder it is to find love again. Also, in order to fall in love, you need to feel that you need love. Because if you don’t believe you need or deserve love, you’ll reject it — whether consciously or subconsciously.

“Independence – unnoticeably – ruins our relationships”

Look around you. Some people break up even when things are (seemingly) going good. The reason behind it is actually very simple: they want independence. Understandable that in your honeymoon phase you want to be with one another 24/7, but I believe that eventually everyone needs some time for him- or herself. When two people enter a relationship, they give up some of their independence in order to have a loving and caring partnership. And it’s a beautiful thing — it really is. But the more independent you are, the more likely you are to feel suffocated. People often feel suffocated when their partner has different ideas about the level of independence “allowed” in the relationship.

When one person is significantly more independent than the other, the relationship is going to become messy. The least independent person is going to try and cling on to the more independent as hard as he or she can, while the independent person will do his or her best to get some breathing room. One feels hurt, and the other feels smothered. Enough said, right? Find someone that has similar requirements in terms of independence, surely you guys will be more compatible then!

“Intelligence – simply because we always wonder – the what if’s”

In life – we’ve learned to do math, or science or literature. But we were never taught how to love – no classes nor textbook that was dedicated to it. We go into love blind. It’s a natural phenomenon, but we don’t learn how to do it properly, as we follow our instincts. Loving is arguably the most important thing people do in life. But yet, our parents never taught us how to do it properly. So what happens when the most intelligent people on this planet experience love? They question it.

They want to better understand it, explore it and test it. And such like any math problem, trying to figure out the problem – intensity – of love, it can drive you crazy. Love, therefor can be a destructive thing, exampled by figures such like Cleopatra. And the more intelligent you are, the more bewildered you will be by the way our world understands and portrays love. Because love centers on emotion, as smart people view things very analytically, it’s not easy for them to find and keep it. The emotions will send this person on an anxious tailspin.

If you’re looking for a philosophy on love, you simply need to find one — or you need to accept the truth that you aren’t willing to face. Love isn’t magical on its own. We make it magical. It’s all in our heads.

As always, xx V.

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