I have failed miserably finding myself a partner – and I am TOTALLY taking the blame. Despite my utterly strong intuition, me – as well as many – rather choose excitement over safety. Until you find yourself hurt because he was just another inconsiderate assh*le. The point is that nice guys somewhat have a bad rap. (No, I’m not talking about self-proclaimed “nice guys” who use politeness as currency for sex – I mean actual kind men).
It’s really a shame, considering that truly nice guys are actually hubby material. Nonetheless, they’re almost always ignored or turned down, overlooked and unwanted. Instead, women will go for the badass – the jerk. A woman will go for the “man of mystery” who will never let her get close enough to truly know. Once we mature and realize what is and isn’t important in life and in a relationship, the nice guy will suddenly become infinitely more appealing. But until then, we actually don’t know shit. And here’s why >>
Girls think that the badass is the diamond in the rough…
…until they realize that “badass” usually translates into “jackass.”
And boy oh boy, are there so MANY jackasses in this world. Women, like men, want excitement in their lives. Women also want someone rare, unique and special. Everybody does. People want what others don’t have because they make them feel special. And since Mom and Dad managed to convince us we’re special, we expect to stay that way. Women don’t want the nice guy because “nice” sounds a lot like “average.” It’s good, not great; fine, not amazing. Or, at least, that’s how most of us feel. However, after meeting and dating enough men, most women will realize one thing: It’s much easier to find a jackass. Unfortunately, this realization usually comes after years and years of dating assh*les and turning down the nice guys. But nice guys get turned down so often that they start to believe being a badass is the way to go. Same goes out to women, the nice ones will eventually turn into bitches after yet meeting another douchebag – as I’ve seen it with my own eyes.
The nice guy is the one girls will seek once they’ve made enough mistakes.
In times of Tinder – forget about personality. You’re supposed to decide, by looking only at a couple of photos and some generic information, whether or not you are interested in someone. If you think about it, it’s actually really ludicrous; nonetheless it’s really hard to find the person that is compatible to you. So, briefly talking, dating anno 2016 is so superficial – and the volume is so big – that you start jumping in the ocean of love and finding yourself rejecting the people you aren’t meant to date. You will undoubtedly learn more about yourself, what you like and don’t like. The risk you took or the mistakes you made, and after experiencing a HEAP of failures – I can guarantee you that you will start playing safe again.
When the nice guy is surprisingly spontaneous and exciting after all
Women assume that jerks will make for a more exciting relationship. And, to be completely honest, this is often the case. Sometimes nice guys are a bit too nice. They’re guessing that kindness is something all women want. But that’s not true – no one wants ‘just’ that. Everyone wants to feel more. We want to be intrigued and surprised. I completely agree that the badass guys make a more exciting relationship – but this definitely NOT in a positive way. The assh*le will make you feel bad about yourself and convince you that what you’re feeling is love, when in reality it’s far from it. So what’s the point?
I genuinely believe that any relationship can be exciting – the good kind of exciting – and YES, even with the nice guy. Once he’s at ease and opens up, you will undoubtedly unfold his wittiness and other great qualities. Thus, for all relationships: you need to work – as what you give is what you get, and it’s not just up to the fellas to make the relationship more exciting. We are also responsible for putting effort in sculpturing the relationship into something fun and beautiful!
As always, xx V.
Picture by: Visual Creature