L I F E.
An immense irrational rollercoaster – which, I believe will continuously challenge you. There might not be many of us who have the courage to admit this, but life is scary. A journey that dares you to face your own falters – vulnerabilities – and puts a mirror in front of you. For some of us, fear causes us to search, to create, grow and connect. For others – to lash out, maim and destroy. Some just spend their entire lives running away from it to only spend their lives living in it.
Today, I know myself better then anyone else – what I want, who I am and what I have to offer. But this hasn’t always been the case. I use to linger in my own negative thoughts – thoughts I know now are all subjective, created by my past. A past that took me to places darker then I’ve ever encountered, a weight heavier then I could carry.
“Depression is my Saturday mornings turning into Mondays and Mondays evolving into impossible. It is the ringing of an alarm every hour of the day. It is the sun rising while darkness sets in the stomach. It is my body is awake but my mind is tired with heaviness. It is having too much to carry, even when my arms appear empty. Depression is not a beautiful sadness tied together with a whisky filled mind and a mouth hollow from too many cigarettes. It’s not a bed of roses. It’s not romantic nor kind. It’s the snake in the bush that watching you building yourself up again piece-by-piece for him to then attack you again.” (25 November, 2013 )
A piece I wrote three years ago – remarkably the last sentence. Where I express my fear for the future, making it holding me back. The past weighs heavily upon many of us. We often come to see it as a burden – something we must carry along with us everywhere we go. The past was a point in time, an exit we either took or missed. Let go of the past. Because the truth is, you don’t need it. Let alone, bringing it into the future – making the same mistakes.
The key is to letting each situation be what it is instead of what you think it should be. Sometimes we fall down because there is something down there we’re supposed to find. And don’t look at fear as something negative. Fear is meant to help you. So, fear your past. Let it move you. Allow it to make you try new things, to do things you never imagined. Let it drive you towards something better, something that makes you truly happy.
As always, xx V.